Why search for therapy?
There are many reasons to seek out therapy.
With the clients who come to me for marriage counseling, the two that I hear most are:
“We need to work on our communication.”
And: “I want to be able to express how I am feeling without it blowing up every time.”
As therapy unfolds, there’s a deeper reason that surfaces: you’re experiencing difficult emotions, but you want to experience emotions that are soothing, comforting, and nurturing.
You feel unsafe and insecure, while you truly want to feel safe and secure.
Your marriage is uncertain and marked by disagreement, yet you want to feel connected to your partner. You want your spouse to take care of you, and you want to take care of them.
Marriage is a process of becoming.
In Genesis 2:24, God’s original design for marriage is stated: “The two shall become one.”
Become implies there is a process – that the relationship is meant to evolve and mature, and that both husband and wife should change together.
Therapy is the best way to accomplish that change.
Attend to what’s yours.
Successful marriage counseling is grounded in focusing on what you need to work on, while leaving your spouse’s changes for them to focus on and work on.
We each grow by changing our own habits of thinking, speaking, and behaving.
Together, I’ll help you learn to see the pattern of your conflicts. You’ll come to recognize that no matter what the topic of argument, the underlying pattern remains the same.
Over the course of marriage counseling, we aim to heal past hurts, rebuild the relationship, and resolve conflicts in ways that strengthen your marriage.
Becoming one is about gaining the other.
We were created to need human connection. In Genesis 2:18 God said: “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”
In therapy, you have a space to safely share your needs and learn about your spouse’s.
Instead of retreating when it gets heated, you’ll learn to stay and work through it.
These shifts change your marriage attachment from an insecure relationship to a secure one.
About Randal Thomas, LCSW
My work with couples started over 25 years ago as a middle and high school teacher, working holistically with parents and families.
Over those years, I watched how often couples ended up divorcing because they never found the emotional connection and safety they needed and wanted.
Practically all the couples I saw desperately wanted peace and security at home. But instead, after failing over and over to resolve their conflicts, they gave up from complete exhaustion.
I get it. Every marriage has hard times.
In 45 years of my own marriage, I’ve learned that overcoming challenges is possible. It’s rewarding.
God gives us marriage wisdom. The book of Proverbs is full of encouraging verses:
“Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice with the wife of your youth.” – Proverbs 5:18
“For a righteous man may fall seven times and rise again.” – Proverbs 24:16
How I work with you in marriage counseling.
By applying the Biblical framework for marriage alongside the structure of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT), we begin by identifying the current behavior each spouse uses during conflict.
Those behavior patterns cause emotional injuries. They hurt.
Together, we analyze the conflict behavior patterns, step by step. This allows each spouse to see exactly how their own actions – words, tone of voice, rate of speech, and pace – influence the emotional level of their partner.
Each spouse learns to see how, together, they escalate each other from the first trigger to complete loss of emotional control.
Once recognized, the couple learns to replace their never-ending cycle of arguments with a new set of conflict resolution skills.
This process helps heal old wounds, establish new bonds, and creates a relationship based on understanding, empathy, trust, and emotional fulfillment.
Ultimately, it creates safety.
If you are ready to stop the pattern and find your way back to each other, contact me to schedule a consultation.
